Wow. This post just hit me squarely in the chest. I'm GenX, too, and I still feel that heavy weight of needing to be desirable to men. Why? WHY? I am so tired of it. I look at my post-menopausal body and the fact that I can't lose weight and I want to cry. And it's deeply rooted in my need to be DESIRED BY MEN. And I'm so tired of it. My mom raised me that way - she was always fiddling with my outfits, encouraging me to "look cute" for boys. Even as an adult woman, she did it. I remember we were going out to lunch one day and I had on a comfortable bra, one that didn't push up my boobs, and she was like, "You should go put on a different bra. Your breasts are sagging." And I went and changed! Sigh. I'll be 50 next year. I desperately want to be comfortable in my own skin and let go of the need to be desired by men and to worry about the male gaze.
Thank you for this comment! I'm happy that you connected with this post, but I'm also sad that there are so many of us who do, if that makes sense. I'm trying hard these days to narrow my body-related thoughts to building bone density through weight-bearing exercises and getting in some brain-boosting walks. And just ignoring all the other (insidious) thoughts about attractiveness and "beauty" and...desirability. I'd say I'm having mixed success.
It's such a mindfuck, right?! And other women (like your mom, as you point out) often reinforce and maintain that "look good for guys" mentality. To their own detriment! But the programming is tough to escape.
I also LONG to be comfortable in my own skin on a more regular basis. It usually only happens when I'm invested in a creative activity. So maybe a short-term help would be to do more creative activities. You know. In the mythical spare time :)
Like you, when I'm invested in my writing, I don't care much about how my body looks. Clothes also make an impact. If I wake up and feel meh that day and put on a pair of baggy sweats and an extra long T-shirt, I feel bleh the rest of the day. But a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and suddenly I feel better! It's SO WEIRD.
Today, I told myself: "You've been on this earth for nearly half a century. OF COURSE you're not going to look like you did when you were 21." Plus, I had a baby, and all the stress of an abusive marriage, and chronic illnesses which leave me unable to work out on a regular basis...and why, oh why, can't I just be nice to myself? My gynecologist even told me I have several obstacles in my way to losing weight. Sigh.
Wow. This post just hit me squarely in the chest. I'm GenX, too, and I still feel that heavy weight of needing to be desirable to men. Why? WHY? I am so tired of it. I look at my post-menopausal body and the fact that I can't lose weight and I want to cry. And it's deeply rooted in my need to be DESIRED BY MEN. And I'm so tired of it. My mom raised me that way - she was always fiddling with my outfits, encouraging me to "look cute" for boys. Even as an adult woman, she did it. I remember we were going out to lunch one day and I had on a comfortable bra, one that didn't push up my boobs, and she was like, "You should go put on a different bra. Your breasts are sagging." And I went and changed! Sigh. I'll be 50 next year. I desperately want to be comfortable in my own skin and let go of the need to be desired by men and to worry about the male gaze.
Thank you for this comment! I'm happy that you connected with this post, but I'm also sad that there are so many of us who do, if that makes sense. I'm trying hard these days to narrow my body-related thoughts to building bone density through weight-bearing exercises and getting in some brain-boosting walks. And just ignoring all the other (insidious) thoughts about attractiveness and "beauty" and...desirability. I'd say I'm having mixed success.
It's such a mindfuck, right?! And other women (like your mom, as you point out) often reinforce and maintain that "look good for guys" mentality. To their own detriment! But the programming is tough to escape.
I also LONG to be comfortable in my own skin on a more regular basis. It usually only happens when I'm invested in a creative activity. So maybe a short-term help would be to do more creative activities. You know. In the mythical spare time :)
Like you, when I'm invested in my writing, I don't care much about how my body looks. Clothes also make an impact. If I wake up and feel meh that day and put on a pair of baggy sweats and an extra long T-shirt, I feel bleh the rest of the day. But a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and suddenly I feel better! It's SO WEIRD.
Today, I told myself: "You've been on this earth for nearly half a century. OF COURSE you're not going to look like you did when you were 21." Plus, I had a baby, and all the stress of an abusive marriage, and chronic illnesses which leave me unable to work out on a regular basis...and why, oh why, can't I just be nice to myself? My gynecologist even told me I have several obstacles in my way to losing weight. Sigh.
Sorry...I just word vomited. LOL