Take a Break and Give Yourself One, Too, by Watching These Movies

What kinds of stories do you value? What kinds of stories does our society value? I’ve been thinking about this a lot as we see the personal fictions people have about themselves play out on the global political stage.

It’s been pretty grim, but that’s something I could have said at any point in the last…few…amounts of time. Even if I was only talking about perimenopause!

Anyway. I’d like to take a little detour with Hag this week.

For one thing, amidst all the budget and personnel cuts to our country’s science-focused departments, there’s simply less legitimate news about advances in the areas of aging, menopause, and women’s health. I do think we should keep pushing for work in those (among other) spaces, but not every day can be all about and only about resistance and activism and doing the good work.

I mean, if you can make every day that way, thank you. Truly: thank you. I don’t do well without breaks, though, and that might describe others of you, too.

So. Stories. What’s a worthwhile story?

I like stories about heroism and perseverance and outsize bravery, sure. Occasionally some tragic self-sacrifice. I also, however, like stories that traditionally have been relegated to “women’s fiction.”

There are many essays and think pieces and features that have been written and still can be written about romance-focused stories, romance as a genre, the rom com as a cinematic afterthought, and the misogyny of making art associated with women less legitimized. This Hag post isn’t that. I’m tired, friends. I’m tired and I know you know a lot of this stuff.

Instead of launching into why rom coms are treated with such contempt outside of their fan base, let’s just acknowledge that they fall into a genre of storytelling that’s ultimately about faith in humanity—and also acknowledge that not everyone appreciates that. I, however, do. I love a good rom com, and I’m not alone in that.

The key word for me there is “good.” While I realize taste is subjective, I think it’s fair to say that there’s a lot of dreck in this film category—not because there’s anything inherently less worthy about telling a funny love story, but because anything associated with women tends to get less attention, money, and effort.

All that said, there are some great rom coms out there. And now, when the air seems filled with grievances and greed and all sorts of grossness, it’s perhaps time to take an evening and look for something lighthearted. Lighthearted, that is, on the surface—after all, every love story is also about courage, fear, and generosity.

Here are some movies that I think represent the goodness of the rom com. Apply to your brain as needed.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Young Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles snark at and swoon for each other in this clever cusp-of-the-millennium adaptation of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew. Delightful even decades later.

Amélie (2001)

Endlessly endearing, almost aggressively whimsical, and wonderfully odd, this French story about a lonely young woman who embraces a life of helping others and meets her match in the process is absolutely lovely.

Anyone But You (2023)

A sly subversion of by-the-numbers rom com-ery that manages to retain its by-the-numbers appeal, this recent Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell outing was far, far more charming than I expected.

Clueless (1995)

The movie that gave us “as if” is more than a series of pop culture references. It easily retains its crown as the queen of frothy and hilarious teen love stories (it’s based, of course, on Jane Austen’s Emma).

Cold Comfort Farm (1995)

Wry, dry, and wickedly funny, this adaptation of the Stella Gibbons novel about well-meaning, ultra-organized Flora Poste and her patient (sometimes hapless) suitor stars a gorgeous constellation of talent from the UK, including Kate Beckinsale, Rufus Sewell, and Stephen Fry.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

I admit the romantic love story is a lot less interesting than the relationship between Michelle Yeoh’s mother-in-law-type and Constance Wu’s Chinese American girlfriend-meeting-the-parents, which is fascinating and sharply drawn. And the movie itself is incredibly stylish. Bonus appearance by Awkwafina.

Desk Set (1957)

Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy cross swords over technology, knowledge, and the power of a good research librarian. Worth it for the scenes in the research library. Seriously. I mean, Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn also have legendary chemistry, so there’s that, too.

Fire Island (2022)

Inspired by Pride and Prejudice (okay, I love an unexpected adaptation), this rom com set on historically gay-centric Fire Island is thoroughly enjoyable—in particular, I loved Bowen Yang as the Jane character.

The Idea of You (2024)

I’ve never read the book this is based on, so if you have strong positive feelings about the original work, I gather you may not care for the adaptation. As someone who’s just looking for a funny, sweet film wherein the 40-year-old mother of a teenager is wooed by a younger pop star, well, I had a great time.

The Lost City (2022)

A self-aware take on romances and rom coms, this Channing Tatum and Sandra Bullock movie could have been dismissive and cruel to fans of the genre, but instead turns out to be a paean to romance readers and watchers. If a paean can also be very funny, that is. Daniel Radcliffe as a megalomaniacal billionaire continues to do A+ work.

Much Ado About Nothing (1993)

Are some of the actors a little uncomfortable with Shakespearean language? Sure. Are they all dazzling to behold regardless? Definitely. Kenneth Branagh makes everything glitter and shine in this hugely appealing adaptation, ably joined by his then-wife, Emma Thompson, whose humor is (as always) pitch perfect.

Moonstruck (1987)

Cher and Nicolas Cage spit, hiss, and kiss in this offbeat 1980s comedy-drama-romance about the nature of love, family, and the way we perceive ourselves.

Pride and Prejudice (1995)

Technically a miniseries (sorry) but, imo, the best screen adaptation so far made. Colin Firth sneers, angsts, and ultimately learns to unbend in this stellar take on Jane Austen’s still-relevant novel.

The Princess Bride (1987)

Sword fights? Princes? Pirates? Miracles? True love? As you wish. I hope you’ve seen this already, but if you haven’t, just give it a shot.

Saving Face (2004)

Reserved surgeon Wilhelmina doesn’t think she can tell her mother she’s gay, but that gets harder when she starts dating dancer Vivian. Wil’s mother, meanwhile, has her own secrets. This film is quiet and amusing, though the end brings all the threads together in a laugh-out-loud way.

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Unlike a lot of movies that get enough attention to seemingly freeze them in cultural amber, this one still feels flexible and accessible today. Joseph Fiennes, Ben Affleck, and Geoffrey Rush make memorable but effortless-feeling impressions, while Judi Dench gives impeccable Elizabeth I.

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

A hyper-saturated and over-the-top take on competitive ballroom dancing, as seen through the sparkle and tilt of Baz Luhrmann’s vision. This one is an exuberant pleasure—just let yourself fall into its world without fighting. Even if it feels weird and/or dated at first.

I meant to watch Rye Lane, which I hoped—based on what I’ve been told by satisfied viewers—would make this list. Sadly, I ran out of time. So if you’ve seen Rye Lane, let me know what you think. Does it fit here?

Yours with more cheerful thoughts as I immerse myself in love and laughter,

That Hag

Two Things to Limit in the Week Ahead:

1. Doomscrolling. Just go longer beats of rest between sessions. Do something to distract yourself (a movie, perhaps?). You can’t take in every iota of news without also taking on some damage.

2. Doctor Internet-ing. Should we educate ourselves on under-researched things like menopause? Yes! Should we do the medical equivalent of doomscrolling to determine which symptoms herald imminent death? Nah.